I Would Do It All Again

I found out that my wife would not survive her cancer about 48 hours before she made the transition. I had two days to contemplate her departure. She was in so much distress, that I wanted her passing to be swift. Because I loved her so much, I wanted nothing more than for her suffering to be over. During the last hours, I sat at her side and plead for God to take her home, and assured her that it was okay to let go. She was unconscious and fighting for every breath. Had I known the pain I would be going through, I may have selfishly begged Him to spare her, and begged her to stay.


Someone once asked me if I had known about the pain I would have to watch Malinda endure, and if I knew how much I would suffer as a result of losing her, would I have still taken her into my life and become a part of hers? It calls to mind one of Malinda’s favorite song by Garth Brooks, in which he sings:


“And now, I’m glad I didn’t know

The way it all would end, the way it all would go.

Our lives are better left to chance, I could have missed the pain,

But I’d have had to miss … the dance.â€


So the answer is a resounding “yes!†I would have done it all over again, even knowing the pain and agony through which I would have to pass as I said my goodbyes, and for the subsequent years to follow. And I know as sure as I’m writing this that Malinda would go through it all again, too.

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